Although I’ve talked about my poetry writing here before, I haven’t delved deeply into what the experience of writing a hundred poems taught me. There were many things I learned from it, but the lesson that sticks out the most was the virtues of vulnerability.
I first learned how to write poetry in a poetry and playwriting class I took in sixth grade at a homeschool co-op. However, it wasn’t until September of my junior year that I wrote my first poem for myself.
My first poem recounted my experiences surrounding a news story that transpired two years prior to writing the poem. I had been contemplating writing it for months but hesitated because it was so personal. Finally, I told myself that I didn’t have to show it to anyone, and I let the words I’d been holding in flow out. It felt refreshing to express the ways the event had shaped me.
I didn’t plan on writing any more poetry after that. My hesitation to write more poetry stemmed from my lifelong struggle with being honest about how I felt. In poetry, I have found that it is nearly impossible to hide anything. That kind of vulnerability intimidated me.
A few months before writing the first poem, my family moved from Alexandria, Virginia to Wiesbaden, Germany. Facing new social opportunities while dealing with stress related to the pandemic inspired me to write my second poem a few months later about mental health.
I told myself that would be the last one I wrote. What more could I possibly have to say? I thought. Yet, two months later, I wrote another. Soon, the time that passed between poems began diminishing.
At that point, I admitted that I couldn’t fight inspiration any longer. There were so many ideas that I needed to express and I began to realize how cathartic it felt to get them out onto paper. After each one, I reminded myself “no one has to read it,” and that removed some of the fear attached to writing poetry.
I couldn’t keep them to myself for long, though. In March, I published one here on Stories and Sketches. The “publish” button had never seemed so daunting. In retrospect, I’m glad that I clicked it. The positive feedback I received from friends and family who read this blog encouraged me to continue writing poetry and opened me up to sharing more of my poems.
By June, I had written twenty-five poems. Realizing that I was gaining momentum and confidence, I challenged myself to write seventy-five more and have a total of one hundred by September 23, the date when I finished the final draft of the first poem.
With plenty of free time in the summer, I wrote almost every day. Some days I wrote multiple poems. It became an obsession. Running out of topics I could broach without being “too vulnerable”, I started to write even more personal poems. I wrote about everything: relationships, mental health, politics, and moving. With every poem, it became easier to be honest with myself. Consequently, honesty with myself led me to be more honest with others.
I reached my goal of one hundred poems on August 17. Since then, I’ve continued to write whenever I can. I still struggle with vulnerability but as I’ve learned from writing poetry, vulnerability is often more rewarding than one would expect.
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